Five Faces of Dorkness
by LM
Summary: Five evil leaders, one technorganic planet, and plenty of weirdness. BWAAAAAA!
1. Default Chapter

Hey folks! What do you get when four Decepticons (and one Predacon) join forces? Ummmm . . . chaos? *G*  
  
This story was started by CharlesRB, with contributions by OptimalOmega, Roadbuster_DoC . . . and LM! That's me! ^_^  
  
First, let's meet the main characters . . .  
  
  
  
MEGATRON  
  
Allegiance: Decepticon  
  
Sub-groups: Corny 80s Villains Anonymous  
  
Function: Wimp  
  
"Decepticons, RETREAT!"  
  
The most feared Decepticon to ever exist... if you're half-drunk and have the physical strength of a housefly. Megatron has a fusion cannon and the ability to completely miss any target who has a toy still in production, and a penchant for inane plans that three-year olds could counter-- interestingly, it always take the Autobots 25 minutes to counter them. Hmmmmm...  
  
  
  
GALVATRON  
  
Allegiance: Decepticon  
  
Sub-groups: Nobody would have him!  
  
Function: Crazy person  
  
"DRINK!"  
  
He was the strongest Decepticon ever, and he would lead them into a new age of dominance. Then he found out how badly the movie did and slipped into drink and drugs. This severely hampered his ability as commander ("If we all charge in single file at the Autobot's most heavily-defended base, they'll be vanquished forever!") and he was eventually kicked out. Now his a 'bot of few words; those words are "BWAAAAAAA!", "DRINK!", and "ARSE!"  
  
  
  
SHOCKWAVE  
  
Allegiance: Decepticon  
  
Function: Coolest of the cool  
  
"Hypothesis: damn, I'm smooth."  
  
He is cool, calculating, and logical. He's also the best commander the 'Cons have, and never fails to remind all the other commanders about this. Cybertron is his ho'.  
  
  
  
BW MEGATRON  
  
Allegiance: Predacon  
  
Sub-groups: Speech Impediments Anonymous  
  
Function: Machiavellian bastard  
  
"I can't BELIEVE I named myself after taht loser. Yessss."  
  
A schemer and manipulater who develops an intricate network of schemes spanning for three years just to go to the bathroom. He sports a powerful Transmetal 2 dragon mode and also a speech impediment hat causes him to add a drawling "yes" to the end of every sentence. The last person who insulted him was found brutally mutilated, half-melted, and with a balloon attached to their heads saying "I LOVE DERRY." Has a whole basement full of illegal firearms, exo-skeletons, and Vehicon drones for the day when Raksha comes for him...  
  
  
  
SCORPONOK  
  
Allegiance: Decepticon  
  
Sub-groups: Headmaster  
  
Function: Whiny bitch  
  
"I am merely Zarak, a man among giants, I don't want to die, wa wa wa."  
  
Incompetent slagsucker who constantly whines about how he's merely a man controlling the body of Scorponok. And... that's it. That's all he does. Incidentally, his original head, abandoned on Nebulos, ended up becoming a British Prime Minister, showing us that us Brits will vote in ANYBODY. [LM says: Charles' words, not mine, as I am not British. ^_^]  
  
  
  
Next . . . on to the story! *G* 


	2. Chapter 2

A bubbling cauldron of greenish goo burbled quietly beneath what was once the pristine steel streets of Cybertron. Far above, Cybertron was in full swing of celebration as a myriad of Transformers lined up to get "technorganic" bodies from the new lord high ruler, Cheetor the Supreme. 

But here in the dark depths, there was no celebration. No sunlight glittered prettily among the sparkly flowers, no happy cheers of delusional robots could be heard. 

There was only angry burbling. 

Something in the depths tried to scream, something tried to close its eyes, something tried to fight against the overwhelming sticky-happy feeling that coursed in its circuits. 

From the goo, a half melted arm reached out, slamming down onto the edge of a metallic shore. The orange and blue armor hissed as the green slime ate away at its Transmetal exterior. Still, its owner struggled to pull himself from the pits of alien slime that threatened to eat him alive. As if a shuddering, lifeless pile of metal, the robotic form crashed down on the beach. Its plates were corroded, its armor destroyed. 

But from the hissing pile, there was a rending and sound, a groan and a bellow. The back split, and out crawled the massive form of a metallic red dragon. 

"NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... NO... !!! Yeeeeesssssss. This was NOT how it was supposed to END!" There was a spinning and revolving noise as the dragon reverted to a robotic mode. Steam still poured from the stinking carcass that had been the armor of his one time enemy. "It was YOU who brought us to this juncture, Primal! Yessssss..." Turning, he spotted another body floating in the goo. This one was smaller and grey, but just as lifeless as the Optimal body that Megatron had just abandoned. 

"Techno-organic! BAH! Yesss... This is ridiculous! Even back on that backwater planet you weren't such a rube as to believe that this," Megatron swept a hand towards the surface far above them, "is our destiny! Yessss." 

Turning in disgust, Megatron leers at the melting Optimal Optimus body. "But this will not be the final chapter, oh no. My plan to use Pretender technology has come to fruition, and now I alone survive our little squabble, Primal. Now I alone will return to set the records straight! After all... Transwarp technology still exists, and I still know where I can reclaim a new army! Soon, I shall raise all the leaders of ancient Cybertron's history! Megatron, Galvatron, Shockwave, Sporponok!! Together we shall return and lay this technological faux pas to WASTE!!! YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!" 

The population of Cybertron happily gained their new pegwarmer bodies, happy in the knowledge that they'd never know war again (as nobody would buy the toyline again.) Cheetor watched over it all and grinned.

_"Cheetor the Supreme,"_ hissed a cliche mysterious character from the shadows. _"Someone has stolen the Transwarp technology..."_

"What?! NO! I went to all the trouble of manipulating Optimus and creating the Oracle, so I would recreate Cybertron and rule it as it was meant to be... I will not have it reversed! Send our greatest assassins after the culprit!" 

_"Yes, Cheetor the Supreme."_


	3. Chapter 3

There was a splitting of atoms and a mangling of scientific facts, and BW Megs reappeared in the past. He flexed his TM2 wings and noted that he now appeared to be cell-animated.

"Now then... To find my namesake, yesss..."

And over the ridge lay the original Decepticons, planning their latest plot. "Once we pour sugar into the Autobots' gas tanks," said the original Megatron, "they'll be vanquished FOREVER!"

_Ah,_ thought BW Megs, _Season One. Now, let's see how my namesake operates, yesssssss..._

At that moment, a small bunny rabbit ran out in front of Megatron. "We're under attack! DECEPTICONS RETREAT!"

BW Megs and the entire Decepticon army looked on in dismay as Megatron ran screaming like a little girl.

_I need to have a serious rethink about naming myself after this guy, yessssss. Oh well... Yesss..._

Just then there was a loud yell that caused everyone to pause. Actually, it wasn't so much a yell as it was a scream. Both Megatrons turned, only to see something horrible. The bloodcurdling scream was coming from an aptly named robot. 

"I'll teach you not to cheat on me!" yelled Starscream as he slapped Megatron. "I will not sacrifice what we have built over the past four million years to some floozy like Shockwave!" 

"I love you, Screamers," was all Megatron could say.

The other Megatron rolled his eyes, shot Starscream, and took his namesake with him into the Transwarp portal. There was a flash of Transwarp energies, and both Megatrons were warped away. 


	4. Chapter 4

Shockwave was not really surprised when the Megatrons tumbled through a glowing portal in front of him. He had long ago concluded that 20th century Earth was at the center of a raging transwarp storm. It was the only rational explanation for the sheer number of crossover characters who popped up each week. 

"Logic dictates that you shall scrub the Ark until I can see my face reflected in the walls," he said since it was, after all, Megatron. Megatron times two, in fact, which should make the work go twice as fast, logically. Then they could start salvaging parts from the deactiviated Autobots and . . . 

"What face?" the smaller Megatron demanded. "You only have a faceplate with a vaguely eye-like light, yesss . . ."

"Logic dictates that you are going to be sorry if you don't fetch a mop."

"I can't believe he's gone! Oh, Starscream! Starscream!" the other Megatron sobbed. BW Megatron and Shockwave stared at him for a minute, then shrugged. 

"I have a proposition for you, Commander Shockwave," the red-armored Megatron said, smiling smoothly. "Yesss . . ."

"Perhaps one of the Seekers would be interested," Shockwave suggested, edging away.

"Not THAT kind of proposition, nooo! (Yess.) I want you to go to the future with me . . . AND WIN THE BEAST WARS!" The Predacon frowned. "Wait, wrong show . . . plus that would be the past, not the future, yesss . . . Instead, how would you feel about destroying some bothersome descendants of the Autobots?" 

"Autobots are idealistic fools ruled by their pitiful emotions. Destroying them combines business and pleasure."

G1 Megatron recovered from his grief enough to say, "Pleasure is an emotion." Shockwave casually backhanded him across the corridor. "Decepticons, RETREAT!" the silver-plated Megatron shouted in a daze as he slumped against the wall. 

"I will accompany you to the future," Shockwave announced, "if only to make sure that your companion doesn't do something foolish like sending the Aerialbots back in time." 

"Surely no one would be so foolish as to purposely give his enemies the opportunity to manipulate the past," the dragon Transformer said with a polite laugh. 

"I think we should build a big blue griffin!" G1 Megatron said suddenly. "That'll teach 'em! MaHAhahaha!"

"Erm . . . then again . . . yesss . . ." 


	5. Chapter 5

Their next target was Scorponok.

"OH NO!" cried Weirdwolf, dodging Autobot fire. "We're getting pounded out here!"

"Scorponok could've handled this," said Scorponok, "but I am merely LORD ZARAK--" his Headmaster disembarked, "--a normal man, who is now the head for a titan..."

"Hey, our getaway ship is here!"

"A ship, made for robots. But I am a man, and as such--"

"Look, stop angsting or I'll kick you in the nuts."

"Ah, the REAL Scorponok, he would've beaten you up for that! But I am merely made of weak flesh and bone, and as such--"

Then the time travellers grabbed him and flew away, and the battlefield became a more bearable place. 

* * *

Somewhere, brooding in a drug induced haze, Galvatron sat contemplating the horror that was his reign. He had failed in every sense of the word. His troops were sucking energon from Ray-o-vac batteries, they had been kicked off Cybertron, the Quintessons showed up daily to make him their biznatch... Even his attempt to destroy Starscream had proven futile! 

From a corner, a mocking laughter echoed through the hallway. Spinning, Galvatron saw Scourge standing there, but his voice . . . was different... "So, the mighty Megatron turned Galvatron! You thought you would rule forever?! A measley million years, and you have grought ruination to a once mighty empire!" 

"BWAHHHH!!!!!" Galvatron transformed and fired at Scourge, turning the general into a pile of ash . . . again. Left behind was a glittering orb that shimmered with laughter as Galvatron repeatedly tried to shoot it. 

Starscream's game was interrupted, however, when a flash of light outside attracted Galvatron's attention. 

"Bwaaaahhh?" The Decepticon transformed and headed to the doorway, where a red dragon stood waiting for him. 

"You are to come with me, yessss... your presense is required in the future, yesss..." The dragon grabbed the Decepticon forcefully and hauled him away, towards a ship that had landed just outside. The only argument made by Galvatron was "ARRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEE!" 

Nearby, a floating spark watched with interest, following them onto the ship. 

The dragon threw Galvatron on top of Megatron (G1), throwing them both into screaming hissyfits. Turning, dragon Megatron told Shockwave, "Activate the Transwarp drive now. Let us return to my time!" 

The spark merely watched in fascination as a time envelope swallowed them all . . . 


	6. Chapter 6

Finally, on the green plains of Cybertron, a ship shimmered into view. The sleek gray hull landed smoothly, its thrusters burning the piss out of a patch of shimmering flowers. 

A heavy ramp lowered, squishing a small fuzzy technorganic creature with large doe-like eyes into pudding-like oblivion. A large purple and green robot stepped forwards, shielding his eyes with a heavy armored claw. "It's . . . it's beautiful!" Scorponok exclaimed. 

Behind him, Shockwave's cold, logical voice could be heard. "Of course it is beautiful. Cybertron's metallic spires are known galaxywide for thei--" The robot stopped in midsentence as he looked out on the grass. " . . . What the f---?!" 

BW Megatron joined them. "Yessss... hideous, is it not? This is why I have gathered you, the legendary leaders of the Decepticon Empire. Only with your strength and power can we hope to overcome this. Yessss..." 

The silver and black Megatron limped out. "Ooooo..." He began to romp in the flowers, tucking several behind his ears. Galvatron looked out, visibly shaken. "Bwah?" 

"Logic dictates that you've brought us to the wrong planet," Shockwave said, crossing his arms. 

"I have been accused of misdirection before," BW Megatron said drily, "but my navigational skills are not at fault." 

"I like it. I reminds me of home . . ." Scorponok said, watching G1 Megatron gambol and skip through the flowers. 

"We must restore Cybertron at once," Shockwave said. "So logic dictates." 

"I agree, yesss . . . and first, I believe we should call on a certain kitten . . ." 

* * *

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Silverbolt walked into the makeshift throne room they'd built in Megatron's abandoned head/ship. 

The yellow figure on the throne shifted. "Ah, yes, Silverbolt. Well, as you know, we have a lot of uncharted territories out there--" He waved an arm vaguely skyward. "--and we need explorers."

"I would be honored to serve the Maximal Empire in such a way!" Silverbolt said formally.

"Yes-good-well-the-ship's-out-there-mustn't-keep-it-waiting--" Cheetor began pushing the condor towards the door.

"Certainly. Just let me fetch my consort, Blackarachnia, and--"

"Remember-that-jealous-love-subplot-we-had-in-Season-Three-of-BW?-Well-she's-staying-here-with-me,-birdboy!"

"WHAT?" squawked Silverbolt in dismay as Cheetor the Supreme bodily shoved him out the door. A few nanoclicks later, there was the roar of a ship taking off. Cheetor smirked, rubbing his hands together. "Having fun doing the space explorer thing, birdbrain. Meanwhile, I'LL be doing--"

"--nothing, pussycat . . . because you'll be _dead._ Yesss."

"Megatron!" Cheetor gasped, then spotted the other figures. "And Megatron! And . . . uh . . . Gulvatron or someone . . . I knew I should've paid more attention in history class . . . and . . . some big scorpion guy! And a purple guy I don't know!" 

"Imbecile. Killing him will be an act of mercy, yess" Megatron muttered.

"DRINK!"

"Yesssssssss, thank you Galvatron." BW Megs turned to Cheetor and slammed his fist into his head.

Cheetor whipped out his bishouen katana. "I'm warning you... I have the power of the ORACLE! I'm superior to you technological--"

"Hypothesis: Shut up." Shockwave turned to Galvatron. "Do you like drinking?"

"DRINK!"

"Right... Cheetor is from Alchoholics Anonymous."

There was a brief moment of calm.

Then Mister Particle Cannon paid a visit to Cheetor's groin. 


	7. Chapter 7

"eeeeeEEEEeeEeeeEeeeoooooo..." There was a thud as Cheetor hits the ground. 

"Excellent, yesssss." BW Megatron smiled as he leaned over and grabbed Cheetor by the scruff of his neck.

"What do we do now?" Scorponok asked, "I mean, what if he wakes up and kicks me in the face! He could do some serious damage, I'm only human beneath this big buff exterior!!"

A flower adorned G1 Megatron stepped forward, "Wait, I know... We can take him and force him into one on one combat with ME. The winner will be exiled from Cybertron along with all his forces! YES!"

Shockwave buried his optic in his hand, "Why does he pick now to operate his audio circuitry? Your plan is illogical and foolish. Cheetor has millenia of technological advancement to both armor and weaponry. You cannot hope to defeat him in a one on one battle."

"That's where my genius comes in!" G1 Megatron continued, "I will take the powers of ALL my Decepticons. I have this machine..."

Scorponok interrupted. "Wait, wouldn't they notice that you've changed?"

"What do you mean?" G1 Megatron looked genuinely confused.

"Enough!" BW Megatron mercifully stopped the conversation before it could get any worse, "I already have a plan. We will revolutionize the planet by using their own leader against them! Yesssss. I think it's time to give our yellow friend a new coat... perhaps something in... black. Yesssssss..."

After a few breems of work, the Decepticons (and Predacon) stood back to admire their handiwork. 

"Not bad, noooo (yess)," Megatron commented, walking around the unconscious body of the Maximal leader, who now had an attractive color scheme of black flecked with yellow. "His new paintjob is . . . appropriate, I think. And rewiring his brain should--"

"If only I'd been able to help you with the technological aspects," a paint-splattered Scorponok interrupted. "But while I have the body of a mighty behomoth, my programming skills are those of Lord Zarak, a mere--"

"Observation: Scorponok is irritating. Hypothosis: He is as useful as a blind seeing-eye dog. Query: Why the hell did we bring him along?"

"Cannon fodder," the draconian Megatron explained.

"Ah." 

"Decepticons, retreat!" G1 Megatron said suddenly, then pouted. "I'm bored. Where's Optimus Prime?"

"He's dead. About three times over." BW Megatron said, trying to remember why he'd named himself after the Decepticon. "Anyway . . . back to gloating, yess. With the stealth and speed of Cheetor, we can take out the Maximal high command before anyone even knows we're here. Then--"

"Hey, has anyone seen Galvatron recently?" Zarak asked, ignoring Megatron's frown at being interrupted again. "No doubt I would know where he was if I were truly Scorponok, but I am merely--ERK!" he finished as Shockwave slammed him against the wall.

"Thank you, yess. He has a point, however. Where IS Galvatron?"

The distant sound of a particle cannon being fired drifted down from the floor above them, followed by several screams.

"Observation: The fruitcake has blown our cover. Hypothesis: We may be screwed."

"Slag. Yesss."

  
[To be continued? I sure hope so! *G* Meanwhile, you can check out this story's sequel--well, sort of--by going here: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=790081 ] 


	8. Chapter 8

_Last Time on Plant Machines..._

----------------------------------------------------

Cheetor: "Ah, it's good to be king..."   
---------------------------------------------------- 

Silverbolt: "I must collect my consort!"   
---------------------------------------------------- 

Megatron: "Yessssss..."   
---------------------------------------------------- 

Galvatron:"BWAH!" * shooting noise *   
---------------------------------------------------- 

MegatronBW: "I think a new coat is in order for this kitty!"   
---------------------------------------------------- 

Shockwave: "Hypothesis, we're screwed."   


* * *

"Grrr..." roared the BW Megatron, "That moron will have the entirety of the Cybertronian Forest Rangers coming down on us in segments!"

Scorponok stood poignantly in a shaft of light that filtered down from above, raising his arms for a dramatic soliloquy, "I, Lord Zarak, am but a man, and cannot foresee these transgressions. Were I the *true* Scorpo--"

Megatron G1 ran over and grabbed up Scorponok, "Someone needs a HUG! You poor... poor... sap... RETREAT!!!!"

"Theory." grunted Shockwave, "The gay-bot may have a point. Logic must dictate that a tactical reversal will enable us to enact our plan." 

"Beast mode!" MegatronBW molded down into a dragon, "I'll get the triggerhappy drunk. You grab the cat-bot. Yesss." He turned to leap into the air. 

"Insufficient parameters." Shockwave replied. 

The dragon stumbled, turning toward the purple cyclops, "What? Yessss.." 

"Cat-bot is not in vicinity." 

The entire group turned to see no trace of the black robotic cat. 

"First we'll find Galvatron, then we'll go back to the ship," BW Megatron decided. "If necessary we can use the Transwarp drive to go back in time a few days, and--"

"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Suddenly Galvatron raced through the door, pursuing a screaming technorganic bat. "Never mind about the Galvatron part, yessss" BW Megatron said.

"Ugh, what a sound." Scorponok tried to position his massive claws over his ears.

"It's Nightscream," Megatron scowled. "He has a sonic voice attack or something, yess . . ."

"Observation: His screeching is only annoying us, not harming us. Analysis: He's just running away screaming like a little girl." 

"Well, he does that too, yess" Megatron admitted.

"DRINK!!!" Galvatron bellowed, shooting wildly at the Maximal.

"I can't drink! I'm underage!" Nightscream sobbed. 

"DRINK! DRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!!!" Galvatron demanded, jumping up and down under Nightscream , who hovered out of reach. 

"Query: Can't Galvatron fly too?" 

"I think he forgot again," Scorponok said. 

"Cheetor! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!" 

"Cheetor?" Shockwave, Megatron, and Megatron said in concert, looking around. 

"There, in the shadows!" Scorponok pointed dramatically. "And he's carrying . . . um . . . some heads? I didn't know Maximals could be Headmasters . . ." 

"Hypothesis: Rewiring Cheetor was a good idea," Shockwave observed as the repainted-Cheetor stalked forward carrying the remains of a few generic Maximal heads that no one had the energy to make interesting CGI models for. 

"Ha ha! NOW you're in trouble, Decepti-creeps!" Nightscream gloated as he dodged Galvatron's blasts. 

"We'll see about that, Auto-brat!" G1 Megatron shook his fist. "Now tell Optimus Prime he must face me in one-on-one combat!" 

Nightscream looked confused. "Huh?" 

"Enemies-of-Megatron-Megatron-Shockwave-Galvatron-and-Scorponok-must-be-eliminated." Cheetor said in a low mechanical monotone. There was a whirr of gears and clicking of metal as he transformed. 

"Oh no! Cheetor! What did they do to--SQUWWAAAAAAARK!!" Nightscream said as two red eye-lasers caught him full in the chest. "Well, that was new . . ." he mumbled as plummeted to the ground. 

"Death-to-the-enemies-of-Megatron-Megatron-Shockwave-Galvatron-and-Scorponok." Cheetor pulled out a sleek sword and began moving towards the unconscious bat with precise footsteps. 

"One moment, kitty-cat, yess. We may perhaps have a use for your former ally. One moment . . ." 

"I-live-to-serve-the-will-of-Megatron-Megatron-Shockwave-Galvatron-and-Scorponok." 

"Why does he always list me last?" Scorponok asked. "Is it because, while the rest of you are robots, I am only--" his Headmaster transformed "--LORD ZARAK, a mere m--?" 

"YES." Shockwave said. G1 Megatron merely growled and muttered something about how the puny fleshlings were always ruining his brilliant plans. 

Meanwhile, the other Megatron was rooting through an abandoned closet that had been built into the huge Mega-head ship. "We're in luck. My enemies did not thoroughly explore my former fortress, noooooo (yess.) They failed to discover . . . THIS!" He triumphantly pulled a glowing sphere out of the closet. 

"A spark? You kept it in your closet?" Scorponok asked. 

"Why not the closet?" G1 Megatron broke in. "I kept Optimus Prime's head in MY closet once. It was right after I had the Constructicons rebuild his body as this giant alligator. And then--here's the truly brilliant part--I welded Prime's arm to the Empire State Building--" 

"Query: Whose spark? 

"I didn't have time to successfully identify the specific individual, nooo, but it was definitely a former Decepticon leader," Megatron smiled. He grabbed the spark and shoved held it against Nightscream's head and a few minutes the glowing spark floated into it. 

"What will happen to Nightscream's spark?" asked Scorponok. 

"Query: Who cares?" 

"Right!" G1 Megatron nodded. "All that matters is destroying Optimus Prime!" 

"Um . . . right . . ."

"I . . . live!" Nightscream's body jerked to life, but the voice was not his. (Thank Primus.) "But how can this be?"

"It's a long story, yess."

"Situational summary: Descendants of the Autobots have introduced an organic element to Cybertron and we, the Decepticon leaders of various eras, are trying to stop them. We have already commandeered the body of the current Maximal leader--"

"I-live-to-serve-Megatron-Megatron-Shockwave-Galvatron-and-Scorponok."

Suddenly "Nightscream" turned towards the large purple robot. (Well, the large purple robot with one eye, to be more specific.) "Shockwave, is that you? And Megatron!" The bat turned to the silver robot. "I thought you were dead!" 

"Do you know ME?" Scorponok asked hopefully. 

"Hmm . . . no . . ." 

"Oh . . ." Scorponok sighed. "No doubt it is because while I have the body of Scorponok, I am actually--" 

G1 Megatron lost it. "SHUT UP! I'M SICK OF HEARING ABOUT HOW YOU'RE JUST A SLAGGING FLESHLING! SHUT UP!" 

"ARSE!" Galvatron agreed. 

"Hmm, that does sound like trouble. How fortunate for you that you now have the abilities of the greatest Decepticon of all time at your disposal . . . for I am Chief Fuel Auditor Ratbat!" Ratbat unfurled his wings with a flourish. 

"Ah . . . what is that phrase that Primal was so fond of? Oh yesss . . . 'that's just _prime.'_" 

"WHERE?" G1 Megatron demanded as a character description hoved into view.

  


* * *

RATBAT  
Allegiance: Decepticon  
Function: Accountant  
"Bring up the bloody Carwash of Doom ONE MORE TIME, and I'm jamming this blaster so far up your arse..."

He was a fuel auditor and ruled Cybertron for a brief period until Scorponok and Starscream fucked it up. He has been ressurrected in the techno-organic form of Nightscream, giving him the sonic attacks and Satan-spawned quiff of the Maximal. Has been known to kill people for mentioning "carwash" and "doom" in the same sentence.


End file.
